Living Lefty in a Righty World
As I am certain the title gives away, I am technically left-handed. However, I am probably considered to be more ambidextrous in the true sense of the word. For those things that define you as being left handed - write, eat, drink - I do left handed. But as life as a left hander has taught me, there are many things that are just easier to do right handed.
It was easier to find a right handed guitar, so I play guitar right handed. It was cheaper to find right handed clubs, so I play golf right handed. Everybody who is NORMAL uses the mouse with their right hand, and so I do as well. (Ever seen a person use the mouse on the OTHER side of the keyboard - it just looks ODD!)
But there are things that a lefty has to do left-handed that just are plain difficult for them, and the rest of the world just doesn’t care. I am not talking about the obvious things that everyone knows about like scissors, or three ring binders, or spiral notebooks - I am talking about the less obvious like taking a leak? Ever noticed that the zipper on your shorts faces the right hand? Or how about that magical flap in your boxers or briefs? See a right handed guy can stand at a urinal, unzip his fly, use the magical flap and relieve himself. This is a simple process that every grown man in the world has mastered. A left hander??? Lets just say it takes you to either be contortionist to pull off this feat, or just give up and drop your drawers.
How about them stupid half-desks they use in all of the schools today. I never quite understood the purpose for these things. Does it really save that much money to get a half of a desk over a whole desk? Is the savings worth the pain inflicted on the left-handed world?
I will never forget my tax accounting class back in college. You see tax laws are so convoluted that the teacher always let us take the test ‘open-book’ style. Which is great for the right handers of the world. They could keep the book on their lap, and the test on the desk. Us lefties - we had to turn all the way to the right side of the desk just so we could write with our left hand, and then try to find somewhere to keep the book open on that little half desk. I would venture to guess that there are chiropractors out there making a living on the messed up backs of lefties using right sided half-desks. And before you tell me that there are always a couple of left-handed desks in every classroom and that I could have used one of them. Well you are correct, but they are always in the front row center. You will never find me front row center for anything - my back be damned.
Please do not even bring up can openers - UGHHH!
The bottom line is that being left handed is an unprotected minority. We have no NAALHP, or any kind of support organization. We pay more for items just because they are left handed. We get discriminated against in every facet of life. The world treats us as lesser people, as the cast-offs, the forgotten, the un-worthy. It is time to unite - it is time to end this discrimination. Who’s with me!